There’s something about a nose-numbing chill in the air and a dodgy rental van that smells like a car wash from the 80’s that screams “Road Trip!” No? Just me? Anyways *cough-hey-OJ-cough*…

I certainly was a proud ol’ hen last sunday morning, slapping nutella on fungus-free bread and matching mittens before an awesome trip to the aquarium.

Of course I already knew it was going to be awesome because that was my pitch to my crusty-eyed boys and my sorry bum that was awakened to the crack of a weekend dawn. You can’t go wrong — stashing sleep-deprived kids and hungover adults into a long, winding ride is always awesome.

Nibbles, the self-proclaimed sea-creature rescue guy and shark specialist, was an easy sell. I couldn’t wait to see how lil’ Chewy would respond to the surreal tunnel of hammerheads, the flamboyant giant octopus, the pooping penguins and farting hippos.

Apparently, I should have waited. You know how toddlers have a knack of sensing the precise instant you’ve dozed off into an intense REM cycle? And their unique ability to jolt you out of it like an alligator biting your bum?

Well, it was precisely 2:13am when Chewy decided to showcase this adorably age-appropriate skill with an introduction to Scary Crab. Evidently, the monstrous crustacean had set up camp in the lower bunk where we lay. Obviously, this necessitated an immediate relocation to the living room couch for the remainder of the night and repeated reassurances that Scary Crab would much rather hang out with the Mean Green Dragon in the master bedroom.

Remind me to stream high-pitched polka-dotted animals on the box all of next weekend. Momma’s gotta have her snooze y’all.