WOHM-SAHM? Damn! (done)
February 5, 2008It appears as though I may finally heave that sigh of relief that comes from having made a decision, but a sigh nevertheless. I’ve decided to work part-time : 3 days @ work, 1 @ home. Yes, Dream Company did pull through for me. I still lose 33 hours of the week with Nibbles, at least 27 of which he will spend awake, playing and tucking one milestone after another under his lil’ belt. But at least the first thing I do when I get home will not be frantically logging in and catching up with e-mails into wee hours of the night, with Nibbles tucked under my breast even if he’s neither hungry nor awake.
This post is supposed to smell of closure, but I’m so mad at Dream Company for questioning my committment towards my career when I suggested part-time. They had the nerve to suggest, jokingly, that perhaps a career in teaching might suit my situation better. I love teaching, but for some reason I wasn’t laughing my ass off at their kind suggestion. What the fuck is up with having to prove myself a gazillion times over? Starting from proving that a girl does not have to sleep with her teaching assistants to pass her computer science major courses, to proving that a very pregnant woman can pull all-nighters and run (ok, waddle) across the trading floor to rollout a critical application ahead of schedule. And now they question my committment because I want one measly day with my Nibbles??? Fuck this shit!
Ok, so I didn’t say “Fuck this shit”, although that’s exactly what I should’ve said while shoving some mean, green dolla bills down their throats. I swallowed the shards of my pride and gushed appropriately when they okayed my part-time request. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have the balls to disappoint everyone by staying at home. Maybe it’s because I know that my post-partum blues are precariously close to a full blown depression and staying at home is guaranteed to accelerate the process.
It sucks that I’m already not Nibbles’ favorite person. Sucks that I can’t be a happy homemaker and nurture my family. It sucks that I need to be away from my Nibbles to be a better mommy to him. But a gal’s gotta do what a gal’s got to do. Now zippit.
oh yes. that’s what i told myself too, my strength lies in the fact that i KNOW that i need to work to be a good mommy to my daughter. i tried the SAHM thing only for a month, that too when she was only 3 months old – maybe now it wouldn’t be so bad, because i’m done with post-partum depression and she’s more fun and less demanding now.
and don’t worry about missing milestones, i may not be hana’s fave person, but atleast she saves her milestones for the evenings or the weekend. though, i think she does it for her dad, but atleast i’m not missing out, that assuages the guilt some.
i hate feeling torn though, don’t you? hang in there.
you really do gotta do what you gotta do.
hey good luck with this set up…u know only for this reason i wish…i was in the US…we came back when Kaju was 8 monthes old…thinking it will be great to have hired help and such..but sigh! i actually US for the same reason of flexibility in job…here even if the job is flexible enuff…damn the traffic…
all the best and happy for nibbles!
Thanks IBH! I’ve been contemplating a return to India myself. Will scan your archives for wisdom…
Hey, good to know that you got the part-time deal to work! IMHO, don’t fret about not being “a happy homemaker” and not being able to nurture your family. Nurturing doesn’t need you to stay at home and a happy mommy means a happy family. So, if you are happy when you work out of home, that IS the best solution for your family.
And you had to prove that you didn’t sleep with your teaching assistant to pass the computer major courses? What kind of a**holes are you working with/for? (Pardon my french, but this got me riled). Couldn’t you lodge a complain with HR for harassment or something?
Maybe you should look for another company that realizes your worth? This one seems to be doing a bad job of it.
NP: I agree, a happy mommy means a happy family. I’m still not sure if I want the part-time deal; I’d rather telecommute the whole thing (yes, I seem to want everything). ’sides, I was rather put off when my committment was questioned.
The teaching assistant crap was doled out to me in college, so no HR there. I decided to pull all-nighters getting my code to barely compile instead of approaching the dean. And it wasn’t just to me, those comments were directed at all girls taking CS courses. That doesn’t make it ok, but at least I dismissed it as juvenile assinine behavior.
I’m so happy for you – you got the best of both worlds. Ditto with the girls taking CS courses – it would suck that you are considered good enough only to produce babies, but then when you get good grades by working hard, its all (wrongly) attributed to you being the TAs “favortie”. *gag*
Revenge is *sweet*
Anyway, I hope things work out for you. Or you could always do what I did, which is to quit the 9 to 5 and start consulting. For your ex-employer. And charge three times what they pay you now.
-Priya.
NP: The consulting gig sounds awesome. Won’t push my luck though!